A few weeks after my dad graduated to glory it may seem a bit cold hearted to write technical, finance related thoughts. There are far more important conversations to have, grief to process, and hugs to give. Those conversations and thoughts have and will continue to happen, I’m sure. You can find some of those conversations and thoughts here and also here, but there’s also some technical perspectives that I want to share, while they’re fresh in my brain, that I think can help you down the road when you find yourself saying goodbye to someone you love for a time.
- Careful clicking: I’ve often told clients in the midst of a death to be careful what they click on. Criminals are jerks but they do know where the obituary section is in the paper. Unfortunately, amid grief you can sometimes not be as clear headed as you otherwise would be. I told my mom the same and sure enough a couple days later she reported that she did not click on a link in an email ‘from social security’ ‘with their condolences’. Good job, mom!
- Estate Documents: Obviously having estate and legal documents for the lost loved one are important but it’s probably just as important to review the ones for the survivors at some point, too. I’m part of a close knit, multigenerational family. My dad’s parents are still alive at 94 and 92 and my dad’s eleven grandchildren are alive (don’t worry…they’re not all my kids!). That’s four generations, with three of those generations being adults who own things. Those things have titles and beneficiary clauses. Those things have people that will do the work to get them to the next generation (Power of Attorney and Personal Representatives). Those things have people that will steward assets until that fourth generation become adults if something happens to the third generation before then (trustees and custodians). My dad was in a lot of those documents and would have served well in those roles. He can’t anymore. Those are hard conversations to have but they’re necessary. Tread lightly, tread sympathetically, but don’t put them off forever.
- Life Insurance is magical: Tax free cash in a matter of days. Period. Did he need it? From a technical perspective, probably not. Kids were grown, the house was paid for, and he was happily retired. Was it the best investment he ever made? Probably not. Did any of that matter when tax free dollars hit mom’s bank account? Certainly not.
- Don’t be in a hurry: There’s a long list of ‘to-do’s’ when someone dies. Very little of it probably needs to be done tomorrow. You’re allowed to take your time. You’re allowed to think it through. You’re allowed to ask questions and get clarification. You shouldn’t feel any pressure.
We’ve been down this path a lot over the years with clients and their families. It’s never easy. You put one foot in front of the other and lean on folks to help you. We’ve put together this ‘to-do’ list to help guide you if you need some help. Don’t hesitate to use it. At the end of the day I’m still a believer that it is far more important to pass down your values well, rather than your valuables, but it never hurts to do both of them well.